Thursday 17 December 2009

Maia in Christmas Hashing Frenzy!

by our special correspondent, A. Nonny-Mouse.

Maia residents reported strange occurances last Sunday throughout the town and its rural margins. Thirty-two sweaty individuals, many dressed in lurid, seasonal costumes were seen charging round the streets and heading into any remnant of countryside that could be found. In particular, it was noted that rival gangs of pirates were roaming around, led by rival Peter Pans, one of whom was spotted clutching a horde of coloured baubles, clearly booty plundered on her nefarious journey.
Terrified locals complained of the group's blood-curdling cries of 'OOOONN, OOOONN!!', the gaudy fright-sight in a nightdress of one known ominously as the 'Bunbasher', a wild-looking, red-headed, mother-christmas figure who was reported to 'love sausage', and a babe from Brunei wearing trousers that no innocent person should ever have to witness, particularly at this time of goodwill.
We caught up with these interlocuters at their portal, where demonic 'down-down' rituals are enacted, fuelled by alcohol. We learnt that they had possessed a local house, owned by a Mark and Anna Duffy, for yet more of this obscene mulled-wine and seasonal nibble abuse. The unfortunate victims were later lured to the group's place of 'bash' at which no fewer than thirty-nine people viciously crammed into a restaurant for reckless abandon, and Picanha, clear and disturbing evidence of the cult's growing popularity.
After feasting, certain reprobates were singled out, recognised for standing out even amongst such a crowd: a 'Rhythm Stick' was considered to have come up with the best disguise, or 'costume' as it was euphamistically named; a member of the youth wing, a certain 'Banana Split' was given a prize for collecting the greatest amount of glittering booty along the way, followed by a shady figure known simply as ... Dave; then a certain 'Spanker' was rewarded for the top moment of this invidious collection's year - ''chasing after the gypsies in Tui". This individual, dazed by her success, or perhaps a gallon of vinho verde, was heard to splutter, "it's not like it sounds", leaving us only able to speculate how evil the reality must have been. To finish it off, a godfather-like figure, whom they called, the 'Tim', asked a series of questions to test the level of his minions' depravity, or general knowledge.
Everyone left in fine fettle, one the secretive, 'Dutch Cap' to spread this filth in the untainted environs of the Netherlands. One can only hope that such scenes are never again seen, in 2009. I believe their intention is to reconvene for more, this time, cunningly, without costumes on January the 3rd, where they plan to 'shake off the Christmas torpor'.

Wednesday 2 December 2009

December's hashes

Don't forget that we have two successive hashes coming up: this Sunday (the 6th) hared by Andy (Whippit) and Alan (Never-a-Fokker), which should be a treat, and which will feature the fleeting return of old stalwarts, AJ and Diane Jeronimo (Last Stand and Lady Godiva).
Then it is Jingle Bells time, with me and Spanker, complete with prizes for costumes, various awards and a special Christmas quiz at the bash.
Make sure you vote here for your hash highlight of 2009 - the results will be revealed at the bash.
Let's have some bumper turn-outs for these two!
On, on,

Puppy Love

So, off we went again, on the 22nd of November, around the village of Laundos, close to Rates, where we did Hash 240. This time Big Stick and Pretty Vacant were the hares, having taken a drenching setting it the day before.
Seventeen turned out, plus three dogs, of whom more later. It was a predominantly rural affair, through fields, woods and very muddy trails much of the time and up one or two severe slopes (somewhat to the disgruntlement of Dutch Cap: "There's no pit stop, it's all uphill and we've been going over two hours," she complained at one point, with a face like the clouds threatening from the Atlantic.). There was many a bloodied leg, and some rank trainers by the end, after we had descended from the local hill atop of which sits some pretty little windmills, the inevitable chapel (São Félix, in this instance) and which commanded spectacular views up and down the coast. Mathematical saddos Hard Drive and Firkin Ell then proceded to discuss exactly how many steps were on the descent to the cars before the down-downs.
Oh yes, the dogs: I don't know what Sanath is feeding Oliver at the moment, but his dander seems to be up. Spurned repeatedly by Batwoman's Pushka (stop sniggering at the back there, Droopy!), he turned his attention to Pretty Vacant and seemed decidedly keen to express his luurve. Her attempt to copy Pushka's 'bugger off!' bark, only served to highten Oliver's ardour - something on the lines of, 'well, I'm up for it.'

Wednesday 18 November 2009

Villages, Rivers and Hills

After two legs of our three-on-the-trot hash programme we can sit back and reflect on being fairly lucky with the weather and running through some pleasant rural locales.
On the 8th, Matt and Lynn (Rhythm Stick and Yankee Doodler), expertly mentored by the old hand of Sue/Horny, took us to the village of Rates, a lovely little place in nice countryside that seems to be particularly well looked after by its council, which has placed information boards and walking route markers around its historical features. Unnoticed by all bar Bunbasher, the walking route provided the framework of the hash. At one point, Alan 'Never-a-Fokker' Roberts turned to me and said, "You know, he's amazing. He has an uncanny instinct for the right direction." Well, not necessarily - he's just observant.
This was one on which I hobbled slowly with what turned out to be an abdominal muscle strain that steadily grew worse. The drizzle was light but fairly persistent, although it let up for the pit stop, which was in an old, cobbled lane beside a water pump that somehow kept half the hashers happy for ten minutes or so, bless them. The rain started to increase just after we finished, but, unknowingly, the hares had provided shelter and nice, clean toilets for the down-downs and changing for lunch. This was the moment for Sandra to be named, as she duly was, as Poppycock.
Then last Sunday we headed up the Douro for another three-hared hash, with two first-time hares, Wim (Family Jewels) and Poppycock (spelled Poopycock all week in Hard Drive's e-mails), supported by Mrs Slocombe, whose thirtieth birthday it also happened to be. The rain that lashed down virtually all night and day held off completely whilst we hashed and down-downed, which was nice. Wim proved to be a slow learner when he trotted off in the right direction immediately at the first checkpoint (reminiscent of Matt checking the wrong way mid-way round his own hash the previous week). String-thieves proved a blight on this one, also given character by probably the first hash done in green wellies (Sandra!). It was a very nice area, again, despite the hills, and a scramble or two.
Next week the Hills take us. Hopefully we will get a big turn out.
On, on.

Tuesday 3 November 2009

The season of chilly hashes

The weather seems to have changed, and we appear to be in the season of blustery running, when you relish that change into warm clothes and bundling into cosy restaurants for the bash. Plunger and I got back from our little half-term trip to Andalucia to find that Halloween seemed to have frightened off the hares, so there was no hash last week. Sitting in our damp, smelly flat on Sunday (no that wasn't just our hasing trainers hanging around - we got back from our trip to find that we had had three thousand litres of water flood it the week before), with no hash to do, we twiddled our restless thumbs and thought about what we might do for the Jingle Bells in a few weeks' time.
We've now got three hashes in three weeks, after a three week gap. I'm hoping we get some good turnouts; numbers have been pretty healthy this year, although the last one was reduced to just nine. It certainly makes a hare feel that the effort is worth it when there are good numbers.
On, on!

Wednesday 21 October 2009

Broken bones and hurried hashes

Hello hashers,
Well, last weekend took an unexpected and unwelcome turn, with Flasher/Dot falling and breaking her upper arm so severely that she required an operation and stay in hospital. Obviously, we all send our best wishes and hope that she makes a quick recovery. Even more painful, surely, though, must have been the knowledge that she would be unable to set the hash with Horny (to celebrate her birthday, what's more).
In the event, I took over, and, with little time to prepare, decided to go out on Sunday morning, set it, and then hare it. In the event, I didn't get back to the start until about forty minutes after the hash had begun, so had to catch everyone up. It's certainly the first time I've done two hashes without stopping (other than to wonder where they had parked, given that it was not at the designated start point). I suppose it is inevitable that I got two down-downs as a result.
Well done to the little band of hashers who made it despite all the things conspiring against us last week.
The previous hash was a beauty, set by Boozy Woozy and Mrs Slocombe in the beautiful and little-touched estuary area of Murtosa, near Aveiro. It was a lovely day and a well-constructed run, with a pit-stop in a tasca that resembled an East Anglian pub, but with chilled port instead of real ale.
The weather shows signs of changing now, so it'll be on with the winter warmers and ... on, on!

Thursday 27 August 2009

PH3 Summer

The title of my earlier post was meant to refer to the super, soaraway, Summer sensation of PH3 continuing through late July and August. Well done to everyone involved, especially the hares, and Hard Drive, who from what I could judge, really drove it all.

Summer Sensation!!!

Well, Spanker and I are back after our Summer jaunt and looking forward to this Sunday's hash hared by Brunei Babe and Inaction Man. I see they have picked somewhere near Valongo for this one, so we'll all know what sort of terrain to expect, and given the hares we can expect a fair bit of scrambling through undergrowth.
Having recently hashed in territory BB would be familiar with, Sp. and I have now something of an insight into how she views the ideal hash. We were in the town of Miri, in Sarawak (Borneo), sipping a beer in a café, when we noticed hash t-shirts and badges adorning the walls. Next thing we knew we were being invited on the Miri hash by a legend of South-East Asian hashing, known to everyone as Big Spender. So, two days later, as we returned from a day trekking in the jungle, we found ourselves turning straight round to head off back in the direction from which we'd come for a prompt six pm start somewhere in the middle of nowhere. The number of cars parked at the start point, and the amount of people standing round ready to go staggered us - there had to be a hundred-plus hashers. Without any apparant ceremony, the hash then began.
We had noticed that, ominously, most of the hashers wore moulded football boots, or similar, which seemed strange, but certainly didn't intimate they were expecting a great deal of road running. And so it proved, as we plunged straight into a hole in the jungle and down a slope, crashing through the creepers, plants and trees of the dense forest. This was proper jungle, not cut trails or anything, and we followed a trail marked entirely by strips of paper, at intervals of at most ten yards. Down, and up, down, up, up, down, up, down, up, up, up, down and up we went - I'm sure you get the picture. Without grips at all on her trainers, Spanker was slipping and sliding, whilst I have never felt so shagged on a hash as I scrabbled through the under (and over-)-growth. To look at us you would have thought we had stood under a full shower fully clothed (or perhaps a full shower that also drops mud). Thank goodness for checkpoints, eh? Well, no, actually - there was one that I noticed, but as everyone was spread out it was simply a case of guessing for oneself and carrying on. After about fifty minutes/an hour we reached a patch of flattish, cleared ground that indicated we were almost home, so, to keep the Porto flag flying we girded our loins and ran the final quarter mile or so in. Already there were at least fifty others back, some already tucking into the barbecues that were being prepared in the boots of various four-by-fours. It was only about now that Spanker remembered her arachnaphobia - there's no time for worrying about what might lurk where you are putting your hand on a jungle sramble like this.
There were some seriously fit buggers there (and some not so - not just us). There were also some really nice people and we just found ourselves chatting effortlessly to people around us. For your hash fee you received two cans of Malaysia's life-saving (literally, but that's another story that Spanker may tell for a small price) energy drink, 100-Plus, and a coupon for three cans of lager (if you wanted more you had to buy another coupon - don't worry, Droopy, I am not planning to introduce this with PH3). The bash was happening there and then (the barby), with down-downs (the circle) coming only after that. It was rather fragmented compared to ours and was clearly going to go on for a long time after we left, and as we did three people were writhing disturbingly in ice and mud simulating the sort of thing for which you could be prosecuted in many countries (possibly including Malaysia!). Before we did so, naturally, we had to do down-downs with a specific twist as visiting hashers.
The next day, back in the café, to round things off we were presented with Miri HHH t-shirts. What a great bunch of people. If you find yourself in northern Sarawak, head to Ming café in Miri and see if there's one going on soon.
Later, in Melaka, in the south-west of peninsular Malaysia, once again we bumped into some local hashers. We mentioned that we had done the Miri hash. Oh, had we met Big Spender? Her fame is great in those parts. Next thing we know we've ben presented with two Melaka HHH t-shirts from the run the evening before that we'd just missed. There was to be another the next day (whoever looks at me doubtfully when we run on successive weekends, take note!), but it was to be all-male. I don't know why they do that. The next Singapore one, which looked quite good and was due when we were to be there, was the same.
Never mind, PH3 was beckoning again at this stage. Let's see if we can't give BB and IM a taste of the orient, as I bet they'll do it to us!
This is the second successive summer in which we have hashed in other countries, and it is interesting to see the differences and to talk to people. Has anyone else got stories to tell about hashing elsewhere? Post them as comments on this post, or add your own new post. What different things have you seen that you'd like to try with PH3? What would you not dream of introducing?
On, on,

Thursday 2 July 2009

There's been plenty to report but little time in which to do it, hence the long delay since the last post. The last post nearly had to be sounded on the last hash, Mike Boogaard and Mrs Slocombe's slog about the hills and more hills near Jovim along the Douro in the searing heat nearly finished off one or two hashers, most notably Squirrel. Fortunately, a fag and a beer restored her to health in time for the International Picnic.
That was a great event, and well done to all of you who brought food along - it was most impressive.
There have been a number of memorable hashes of late, with healthy numbers (the last ones have had 19, 14, 15, 13, 22, 15, 19 & 21 hashers), but we could do with a few more hares. You'll soon get bored of me doing them! As we hit the school holiday there'll need to be some more whilst we are away.
Tonight we have an evening pursuit hash. Given my current state of knackeredness you should be able to catch me if you don't hang around. We'll see.
Have a top summer everyone. Please post your comments about hashes, hashers, the meaning of life, etc.

Friday 27 March 2009

More Hashers Enshrined in Literature (from Spanker)

I have been concerned of late that fatherhood is starting to take its toll on one of our nippier hashers, and imagine my surprise to find this concern echoed in Dog Owners Monthly:
"For the sporting Whippet I should be inclined to pick the rough-haired with a grizzled face and a fairly dense coat."
For those of a delicate constitution read no further, for ahead lie some rather personal details about our GM, which are perhaps a little too intimate for comfort:
"To use the Plunger...push slowly down, and pull quickly up to engage the suction. Repeat several times get tired and have to stop."
Well, I did warn you.
A few more for the literary ones.....

1. How does this count as Classic Literature? “Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Golden Plunger Awards” – available from Powell’s Books!

2. Here’s a nouveau-classic that we trust will NOT happen this weekend: Wallace and Gromit: The Whippet Vanishes (Paperback)!!

3. In 1952, he may have been a different man! Caballero Droopy (1952) Resumé: Droopy is on his way to woo his lovely senorita when he is waylayed by a wolf intent on winning the fair lass. But the wolf wasn't counting on Droopy's uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time...!! (Fortunately, we now have GPS assistance).

Brunei Babe / Pink Panther!

Wednesday 25 March 2009

Porto hashers in Literature

As I was reading 'On the Black Hill' by Bruce Chatwin the other day (a fine novel, by the way - I'd recommend it), lo-and-behold I came upon this reference to one of our most prolific hashers and ex-GM:
'A mare came on heat around the end of May, and waited for the visit of ... a magnificent animal called Spanker who made a tour of the hill-farms with his master, Merlin Evans ... People said he had sired a good few more offspring than Spanker.'
So surprised was I to find the great Spanker immortalised in a classic work of literature (albeit with some gender confusion!), it set me to thinking: this can't be the only example.
Indeed, look at this metaphysical delight from George Eliot's 'Middlemarch':
'If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and Squirrel's heartbeat, and we should all die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence.'
So, my challenge is: go out, hashers, and find me the literary hash references.
Prizes may be awarded for the best at the Tui weekend.

More Hashers in Literature (from Spanker)

I have been concerned of late that fatherhood is starting to take its toll on one of our nippier hashers, and imagine my surprise to find this concern echoed in Dog Owners Monthly:
"For the sporting Whippet I should be inclined to pick the one with a grizzled face and a fairly dense coat".
For those of a delicate nature, read no further for ahead lie some personal details about our GM, which are perhaps a little too close to home for comfort:
"To use the Plunger...push slowly down, and pull quickly up to engage suction. Repeat several times get tired and have to stop".
Well, I did warn you.

Tuesday 10 March 2009

hashes 321,2 &3

Hello hashers,
As I have been incpacitated (or airborne) for the last three hashes I can't very well comment on them. So, who will? What happened that we should all know about?
Let me have your comments.

325th Weekend in Tui

Well, preparations are underway for the 325th hash in Tui on the 27th-29th of March. If you haven't indicated whether or not you ca go, please try to asap. A weekend of tapas, walking, drinking, dining, quizzing and most of all, of course, hashing promises to be one not to miss. T-shirts will be available to buy at a no-doubt bargain price. If you want to look at the hotel, it is the Hotel Colón, Tui, Galicia, and is easily found on the web.

Monday 2 February 2009

Next Hash: 15th Feb.

details to follow
Hash 321, February 1st, 2009
Area: Muro, nr. Maia Hares: Dutch Cap & Huge Relief
Roll Call: Dutch Cap, Huge Relief, Spanker, Mrs Slocombe (& Pussy), Droopy, Big Stick, Pretty Vacant (not running - Plunger, Squirrel)

report to follow

Welcome to the new PH3 blog

Welcome Hashers,
This is the first post of the new blog. We'll try this for a while and see how we all like it. I'll try to keep it updated with reports, news and pictures, to complement the greater sophistication of the website. Let me know how you find it. Add anything you feel like adding.
On, on,